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A Causal Soccer Conversation Over SMS

It is a great summer. The USA in the semifinals of Copa America Centenario and the Euro Championships. Everyone that knows me knows I love soccer. So my mother-in-law sent me a couple of somewhat cryptic messages. I had no idea she was watching the games while she was out to lunch yesterday.

Jorgia VanDeventer: Why does the time keep going up? 3:29 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: On the time 3:31 PM
Me: Because backward time travel is, as of yet, not possible. The closest we have come is our eyesight. Everything we see happened in the past. 3:33 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: That makes perfect sense. 3:34 PM

It was at that point that I decided to inform my wife about our transaction.


Me: Because the center official keep the time. 45 min. halves. The center official will add on time for long injury breaks, time wasting etc. Coming up soon, the fourth official on the sideline will hold up a sign indicating "stoppage time" to be played. 3:41 PM
Me: Oh, I have three monitors. (2) 23" for work, (1) 7" for other things 3:42 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Where's the score? 3:43 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Oh, it must be the thing that looks like eye glasses 3:44 PM
Me: Next to the team abbreviations. Right now England and Slovakia are tied 0:0 and Wales lead Russia 2:0 3:44 PM
Me: If you want to sound like a pretentious football snob, don't say zero, say nil. 3:45 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Are you watching both games while at work? 3:46 PM
Me: Kinda, ESPN lets you do picture in picture 3:48 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: And WORK? 3:48 PM
 Me: I usually keep my soccer monitor turned off and just listen for the more exciting bits. Then I can turn on that monitor and catch the replays. Otherwise, I would get nothing done. 3:50 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Well at least it's not porn. 3:52 PM
Me: Some of those goals are sexy though. 3:53 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: What does porn have to do with sexy? 4:10 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: OMG, someone please score! 4:16 PM
Me: Typical American... 4:20 PM
Me: You're watching the wrong game if you want goals 4:25 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: It's what is on at the bar. 4:26PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: What's the other score? 4:27 PM
Me: I can't see the bar from here, but I am guessing it is. Where are you? 4:27 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Belgium beer cafe 4:28 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: I'm rooting for the red guys 4:29 PM
Me: That would be England. 4:31
PM Jorgia VanDeventer: Yep, my friends 4:31 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: But why are the goalies completely different colors? 4:32 PM
Me: So the officials can easily tell who is allowed to use their hands. 4:34
PM Jorgia VanDeventer: Good idea 4:34 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: OMG is there ever an end? 4:40 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Let me know who wins, I had to go back to work. :( 4:48 PM
Me: 0:0, England played too slow. 4:53 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: So that's it. No score? 4:54 PM
Me: There is always a score, just like there is always weather. 4:55 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: :( 4:57 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Why do people bother watching? 4:58 PM
Me: There is much more to the game than goals 8:00 PM
Jorgia VanDeventer: Yes dear 8:01 PM
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